“Death Star No Longer Impenetrable”

Han Solo Breaks into the Death Star with his Famed Millennium Falcon


Han Solo flew into the Death Star yesterday, and was untouched, because of his sharpshooting, and new found Jedi abilities.

Han Solo was spotted by Storm Troopers, as he safely landed in the Death Star. Han tells us that he was on a mission to see his beloved Princess Leia. After being spotted, Han quickly drew out his new light-saber. Storm troopers attacked from every direction. Solo said that if he weren’t on an important mission, he might not have been able to fend off the Storm Troopers. One Storm Trooper tells us that he was brutally beaten and humiliated by Han. The Storm trooper said, “He sliced off my legs and both arms…” Obviously, Han Solo was determined to see a loved one, as he took on a swarm of black and white.

After having a conversation with Darth (Lord) Vader, he told me that, “The attack was partially my [Vader’s] fault. The shield expert on the Death Star couldn’t handle my death grip.”

Han Solo had been planning this invasion since he heard a rumor that Princess Leia had died. He had to see it for himself in order to believe it. “This was a mission that I needed to complete,” Han later said. When Han saw an advertisement that said the Death Star is seeking a new shield expert, he knew it was the perfect time to attack, while the shield was down.

The Death Star is the size of a large moon. It is equipped with many turrets and other weapons, including a turbo-laser. With an energy shield it is virtually unstoppable, and impenetrable. The Death Star could survive a nuclear explosion with the shield activated. Han Solo obviously knew this, as his timing was excellent, and not even the empire saw him coming.

Han told us that Princess Leia had gone to the Death Star to ensure that the empire would not destroy her home planet. She was worried since the empire had targeted and destroyed many important planets. Since she played a big role in the rebellion against the empire, Princess Leia’s planet would probably be targeted next. She needed to stop the planet destruction, before more innocent lives were killed.
Han Solo has a trusty Wookie, Chewbacca, who usually helps him, but Han insisted that this attack could be dealt with by him alone.

- Will the cutie

The Galactic Empire exiled Han Solo for killing a member of their high consul. Master Yoda attempted to help, conspiring with Princess Leia. He gave her a potion that made her appear as dead, so she could eventually escape with Han together, but Han never got the memo. By his own light-saber Han Solo killed himself out of grief for the loss of his loved one Princess Leia.

Never has a story so tragic like this happened before in the galactic Empire. Even Darth Vader’s turn to the Sith wasn’t as horrible as this turn of events. So far people in the Galaxy have done their best to try and prevent making foolish decisions, saving the galaxy from having heavy hearts.

Princess Leia and Yoda worked together to make a plan so that Leia and Han could be together. I expected more from Yoda, a very old wise Jedi Knight, I doubt that he couldn’t foresee the flaws in his plan. Leia also should have seen what would become of the event, what grief she would cause her family, who would assume she was dead.

Yoda sent a reliable assistant to give the letter to Han, but that too didn’t work as the assistant couldn’t get to Han in time and told Yoda only when it was too late. Yoda involved too many people, he should have delivered the message himself.

In the end Yoda and Princess Leia made many costly mistakes. The mistakes led to misunderstandings. The misunderstandings led to a homicide and multiple suicides. Leia and Yoda’s conniving led to the death of Luke, Han and Leia herself. I expected better from too leaders, if they were not so careless these tragic events would have never taken place.

-Nathaniel

Darth Vader: Profile

Earlier this year Darth Vader banished Han Solo for killing a member of the Empire. Darth Vader felt that he had no choice and had to do something about the murder. Darth Vader was questioned greatly by the people because he had not sentenced Han to death. Two days ago a dramatic event took place in which Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Princess Leia died. “It was a bad sight,” said Darth Vader.

Now he has to do something about the incident and the people involved. “There will be punishments and disciplinary action,” Darth Vader said about the incident. Just which persons will he punish exactly?

Darth Vader’s long road to become the leader of the Star Wars Galaxy started when he was just a young boy. He trained to become a Jedi with his mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi. “I was excited to learn the arts of a Jedi after being freed from slavery by Qui-Gon Jin,” explained Vader.

Late in his teens Vader, at that time known as Anakin Skywalker, left the Jedi’s and began to be trained under the Emperor Palpatine who promised him strength and insurmountable power. “He offered me power, strength, something I couldn’t pass up,” Vader informed us.

Emperor Palpatine then gave Anakin the name Darth Vader. After a quarrel with another Jedi on Mustafar, Vader lost his limbs and became almost completely mechanical. “I was devastated by my near death experience, I had lost everything but Palpatine saved me,” said Darth Vader gratefully after being saved.

Since that day Vader has worked loyally under Palpatine and earned a spot of authority.

All these previous happenings have put him in position to make a decision on this turn of events. We speculate he will punish the Jedi master Yoda severely, if he can get his hands on him, “Master Yoda is the cause of this event, he supplied the sleeping potion and in result caused suicides which in turn caused extreme grief,” Darth Vader stated just days after the events took place.

Once Darth Vader can get past this event he will attempt to conquer the universe with Palpatine. Vader will not go uncontested. There are still clusters of Rebel forces ready to strike against the empire. With Vader’s army of storm-troopers at his disposal, he should be able to succeed in his plans and rule the Star Wars Galaxy.

“I will be the strongest and greatest Sith Lord ever and will not be stopped until my quest to rule the Galaxy is complete, from Tatooine to Yaga Minor I will have this galaxy.” Vader proclaimed.

-Nathaniel

Travel Review: Death Star

Is your life dull? Do you do the same things day after day? If so, then you may want to consider coming to the Death Star! The size of a large moon, the Death Star has many exciting people and features. Constant adventure and entertainment is guaranteed, and there are AlWAYS new jobs opening up.

When you first catch a glimpse of the Death Star from your space craft, the breathtaking sight astounds you. The opaque exterior mixed the lucid windows draws your attention like light sabers clashing in a dark room. The ship lands and you are greeted by a “friendly” party of Clone Troopers. As a new guest, you are given the grand tour, and you are taken aback by the magnificent views. The hyper matter reactor is intriguing, but you don’t linger for there is much to do!

The next few days are spent roaming the halls of the Death Star, perusing the shopping centers, exercising in the recreation areas, and socializing with the (oddly similar) Clone Troopers in the Hard Heart cantina. In the center of the recreation area is the Death Star food court. The most well known restaurant in this mix of galactic caterers is Jaba Hut. This luxurious fast food joint features delectable dishes, such as Chubba Stew or Klatooine Paddy Frogs. Never shall you feel bored here at the Death Star, in fact quite the opposite, as action and fun is never ending.

One of the main reasons for visiting the Death Star is the nice people that live there. No one is rude, no one is loud, and everyone does what you ask of them as if you would strangle them if they refused. Feeling at home is just one of the luxurious commodities provided here at the Death Star. There is also the impeccable view of the galaxy, with millions of stars and planets, although one less every now and again. Through and through, the Death Star is just a great place to live, relax, and enjoy life.

-Jack(Cuter than Will)

Food Review: Jabba Hut

Jabba Hut is a new fast-food chain that has seemed to pop up everywhere. With all of the current success, Casey Baker decided to check out what’s behind this fast growing food chain.

I arrived at Jabba Hut around 12:00 to see how the Lunch crowd was. To my surprise, there was no line because they take the order and order your food in 30 seconds or get your meal free. I went inside the restaurant and was greeted by two kind henchmen. Then, I was greeted by Jabba himself. He told me that I was welcomed here and to order anything on the menu, no charge. I took a look at their various meals. They served Chuba stew, Hutt Bile, strained Keebadas, Sand Gizzars, and the world famous Klatooine Paddy Frogs. So, I ordered the Paddy Frogs and the order came out in 26 seconds. I looked at the dish. It had a grilled Paddy frog marinated in a Cho nor Hoola stew. The aroma was quite interesting. It also came with a side of Effrikim worms that where burn to a crisp. The meal made me quite thirsty, so I ordered a drink. I ordered a Gardulla on the rocks. It was a very delicious beverage. Gardulla is a alcoholic drink that tastes similar to swamp water, but with the texture of a milkshake. The meal was outstanding. The Klatooine Paddy Frog was cooked to perfection. The Cho nor Hoola tasted amazing on the Katooine Paddy Frog. It gave it a musky taste. While, the Effrikim Worms were very crunchy and light and added a whole other taste to the meal. The Gardulla also went very well with the entire meal. The tastes combined the Kaltooine Paddy Frog with the Cho nor Hoola, the Effrikim Worms, and the Gardulla made for an out of this galaxy taste and made for an amazing lunch. After my delicious meal, I asked other customers how they felt about their meals and every single person agreed with the way I felt when I ate my meal. As I was about to leave the restaurant, Jabba the Hutt wished me farewell and I was on my way. The Jabba Hut is a great restaurant for prople on the go or someone who wants a great meal. Casey Baker would give Jabba Hut 9 out of 10 stars.
-Casey just Casey